Aug 28, 2023
In this episode of The Brainy Business podcast, host Melina Palmer interviews Vanessa Bohns, a social psychologist and author of You Have More Influence Than You Think. The conversation explores many concepts, including the spotlight effect, invisibility cloak illusion, the focusing illusion, and more, and how they impact the way we show up in the world. Vanessa explains that even when it feels like everyone is looking at you, people are more focused on themselves and are not constantly judging our every move. The episode also dives into the importance of dissent and expressing our opinions, highlighting that speaking up can have a significant impact on conversations.
The challenges of virtual presentations are discussed, including the absence of audience feedback. Vanessa shares techniques to keep virtual meetings engaging, such as utilizing the chat function and allowing everyone to contribute. She also reassures listeners that it's more important to focus on the overall message than getting every word perfect. The main takeaway is that individuals have more influence than they think, and being mindful of our words and actions can have a profound impact on others. This episode provides valuable insights for individuals looking to enhance their influence and navigate communication (both virtual and in-person) effectively.
00:00:00 - Introduction,
Melina Palmer introduces episode 318 of The Brainy Business podcast
featuring Dr. Vanessa Bohns. She mentions that this episode is a
refresh of a previous conversation and explains the reason for
choosing to revisit this topic because of how it ties in with this
upcoming Friday’s conversation with Andrea Learned. Melina
encourages listeners to consider their own influence and how they
can make positive changes.
00:02:35 - Vanessa Bohns' Background and Approach to
Influence
Vanessa Bohns, an experimental social psychologist, discusses her
unique approach to studying social influence, which focuses on
examining the gap between our intuitions about influence and the
reality of our influence. She shares a personal research experience
that led her to explore this topic and highlights the importance of
understanding how we perceive our own influence.
00:05:59 - The Spotlight Effect and the Invisibility
Cloak Illusion
Vanessa explains the spotlight effect, which refers to our tendency
to believe that others are paying more attention to our
embarrassing or negative features than they actually are. She also
discusses the invisibility cloak illusion, where we feel invisible
to others but are actually being noticed more than we think. These
concepts demonstrate that people pay attention to us as a whole,
not just our insecurities.
00:09:47 - Having More Influence Than We Think
Vanessa discusses how our influence extends beyond our
self-perceived flaws and insecurities. She explains Erica Boothby's
research on the invisibility cloak illusion, showing that people
pay attention to us and our behaviors more than we realize. This
insight reveals that we have more influence over others' behavior
and actions than we think.
00:14:44 - The Influence of the Audience,
Just being their–even if you don’t say anything–can shape the
experience and conversation. For example, the presence of a woman
in a room can shape the way others talk about an issue as people
engage in audience tuning. The audience's reactions and nonverbal
cues can shape the beliefs of the person speaking, leading to a
change in the message being delivered now and into the future.
00:15:28 - Virtual Presentations and Feedback,
Virtual presentations can be challenging without the immediate
feedback of the audience's reactions. The loss of laughter and
nonverbal cues can lead to uncertainty and the need to adjust.
Incorporating polls, chat questions, and breakout rooms can help
maintain engagement and gather feedback.
00:21:16 - Maintaining Engagement in Virtual
Meetings,
In virtual meetings, it's important to ensure that everyone remains
engaged and participates. Encouraging turn-taking and giving
everyone a chance to voice their thoughts can help prevent people
from getting lost or feeling unheard. Breakout rooms can also be
used to facilitate discussions.
00:25:38 - The Power of the Audience in a Virtual
World,
In a virtual environment, the power of the audience's nonverbal
communication is diminished. Those who are shy or hesitant to speak
up can utilize the chat function to express their thoughts and
contribute to the discussion without having to interrupt or speak
aloud. Writing out thoughts in advance can also help overcome
shyness and articulate ideas effectively.
00:30:05 - The Opportunity for Thoughtful Input,
It's difficult for people to speak up (and dissent) unless they
care deeply about a topic. The virtual setting provides an
opportunity for more thoughtful input as people can take their time
to think and prepare questions in advance. The chat function allows
for engagement and gives a voice to those who may have been
overshadowed in in-person meetings.
00:31:59 - Engaging Through the Chat,
The chat function in virtual meetings can be advantageous as it
allows participants to ask questions and contribute without the
pressure of speaking up. It can also shape the way people listen
and think about the discussion. The chat provides an opportunity to
be seen and have an impact.
00:34:31 - The Importance of Influence,
Having influence in meetings matters because there are
opportunities that can be missed. Research shows that people
listen, believe, and are more likely to do things for us than we
think. By holding back or doubting our influence, we may miss out
on making a real impact. It's also important to be mindful of the
potential negative influence we can have on others.
00:36:50 - Being Mindful of Impact,
It's crucial to focus on the impact our words and actions have on
others rather than obsessing over how we are being judged. Even
small comments can carry weight, especially when we are in
positions of power. Being thoughtful and mindful can help prevent
negative or unintended consequences.
00:38:59 - Moving Away from the Focusing Illusion,
Instead of just worrying about how other people are focusing on
you, reframe and refocus to be mindful of the impact your words and
actions are having on others.
00:44:45 - "Gaining Perspective on Relationship
Dynamics",
Dr. Vanessa Bohns shares a technique in which individuals write
about a fight they had with their partner from a third-party
perspective. This exercise helps to see the ways in which they may
be contributing to the dynamic and understand their impact on
others.
00:45:26 - "The Liking Gap and Accurate
Perspectives",
The liking gap phenomenon suggests that people underestimate how
much others like them. Third-party perspectives, such as in videos
or compliments, can provide accurate insights into how others
perceive and appreciate us.
00:46:42 - "The Power of Outsider Perspective",
Taking an outsider's perspective can help increase self-awareness
and understanding of one's influence on a situation. This
perspective can be achieved through exercises like imagining
oneself as a friend. Melina relates this back to Dove's Real Beauty
campaign.
00:47:53 - "The Impact of Positive Feedback",
Expressing gratitude and acknowledging the positive impact others
have on us can create a ripple effect of spreading gratefulness.
Compliments and feedback can have a lasting impact and should be
shared more often.
00:48:24 - Conclusion,
Melina's top insights from the conversation. What stuck with you
while listening to the episode? What are you going to try? Come
share it with Melina on social media -- you'll find her as
@thebrainybiz everywhere and as Melina Palmer on LinkedIn.
Thanks for listening. Don’t forget to subscribe on Apple Podcasts or Android. If you like what you heard, please leave a review on iTunes and share what you liked about the show.
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