Mar 25, 2022
Today I am very excited to
introduce you to Dr. Vanessa Bohns, author of
You Have More Influence Than
You Think: How We Underestimate Our Power of Persuasion and Why It
Matters. She got her
Ph.D. in Social Psychology from Columbia University and her AB in
Psychology from Brown University. Her research looks at social
influence and the psychology of compliance and
consent.
She has been published in
Psychological
Science, the
Journal of Personality and
Social Psychology, Organization Science, the Yale Law Journal, and more. She and her work have also been
featured in The New York
Times,
The Wall Street Journal, The
Atlantic, The Economist, Harvard Business
Review, and
NPR. She is an associate editor at the
Journal of Experimental Social
Psychology, was
previously editor of the social influence section of
Social and Personality
Psychology Compass, and
sits on the editorial boards of the Journal of Personality and Social
Psychology and
Social
Cognition. In this
episode, we talk about influence, building relationships, Vanessa’s
book, and so much more. If you have been loving all the
conversations about influence this episode is a
must-listen.
Show Notes:
- [00:43] Today I am very excited
to introduce you to Dr. Vanessa Bohns, author of
You Have More Influence Than
You Think: How We Underestimate Our Power of Persuasion, and Why It
Matters.
- [03:32] Vanessa shares about
herself and her background. She is an experimental social
psychologist.
- [05:04] She started on this
journey of exploring influence in a different way than many other
people have. They look at what their intuitions are to influence
and how they match or don’t match reality.
- [06:39] In general, we get
focused on one negative thing and we are so focused on that one
thing that we don’t pay attention to all of the other things that
other people are paying attention to.
- [07:07] Vanessa shares about
the “weird shirt” study.
- [09:51] Good news! People are
not paying attention to the things you hope they are not paying
attention to and the things that you are really insecure
about.
- [10:17] The invisibility cloak
illusion is the idea that we often feel like we walk through the
world wrapped up in an invisibility cloak; you feel invisible to
the world, but are not. People are noticing you and more than you
tend to think.
- [11:44] People are actually
paying attention to us as a whole, but they are not noticing the
tiny embarrassing flaws that are the things we worry that people
are noticing. In the end, we are having more influence than we
think in a more positive way often than we think.
- [13:54] Influence works both
ways. It is not just the person standing in front of the room, it
is also the people they are speaking to that can have
influence.
- [15:26] The audience sitting
there without saying a word can really shape the beliefs of that
person at the front of the room.
- [17:15] One thing that was
difficult for a lot of people is doing presentations over a virtual
format where you lose audience feedback.
- [20:09] There is so much
feedback you get from nonverbals that you take for granted. Vanessa
wove in polls and chat questions to maintain engagement
virtually.
- [21:51] She found that going
around the room in Zoom and having everyone share what they think
about a particular topic has really helped in her virtual
presentations.
- [23:18] Breakout rooms in
online platforms are a great way to re-energize
participants.
- [26:16] We have lost so much of
the interpersonal aspects of influence by moving to a virtual
environment.
- [28:39] People really just get
the gist of what we say.
- [30:07] In general, people only
speak up about things that they really care
about.
- [31:57] The online chat feature
is an outlet for people who feel less comfortable actually speaking
aloud.
- [33:28] So often when we do
something we are so focused on how people are going to judge us for
that thing instead of thinking about how that thing we said or did
impact other people.
- [35:05] Any time we are holding
back and not asking for something, we may be missing
opportunities.
- [37:16] You want to be aware
that every conversation and interaction is leaving an aftertaste,
aftermath, or afterglow.
- [38:58] We are too hard on
ourselves when it comes to people judging us.
- [39:43] It is so important for
us to be mindful of the impacts our words and actions are having on
other people.
- [42:02] Shouting is born of
underconfidence. We shout when we think nobody is
listening.
- [44:08] We don’t see the ways
we are impacting people all the time.
- [45:58] If you can find ways to
get out of your own head and reflect on the things that you’re
doing, you can be more accurate and aware of your
influence.
- [47:02] People like you more
than you think they do.
- [49:43] Melina shares her
closing thoughts.
- [53:03] If you enjoy the
experience I’ve provided here for you, will you share about it?
That could mean leaving a rating/review or sharing the episode with
a friend (or 10!)
Thanks for listening. Don’t
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what you heard, please leave a
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and share what you liked about the
show.
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Let’s connect:
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Episode:
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Top Recommended Next Episode:
Dr. Robert Cialdini and the (Now!)
7 Principles of Persuasion (episode 157)
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